The Beautiful Sentence starts here.

Remember: What we talk about when we talk about celebrities is, as ever, ourselves.

While crying helplessly into my pillow for no good reason, I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic badasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE means FOR IMMEDIATE DELETE to any blogger with any influence.

Who will eventually win the war between Don Draper’s fidelity and the insatiable mind-Germans who keep Muniching up his every attempt to stay faithful with their endless, appeasement-fueled demands?

Bears that become accustomed to houses and people become chronic nuisances, suffer diet deficiencies from long-term consumption of improper foods, and often end up hit by cars or shot illegally by people who misunderstand the bears’ intentions.

James Heckman, a Nobel Prize–winning economist at the University of Chicago who tabulates the costs of early childhood deprivation, speaks bitterly of ‘silos’ in health policy, meaning that we see crime and low educational achievement as distinct from medical problems like obesity or heart disease.

Suomi conducts his experiments on rhesus macaques, adorable little creatures sometimes called a ‘weed species,’ because they, like humans, thrive in most environments they’re thrown into.

But she could also probably do something significantly better because she’s extremely smart and is now essentially unfuckwithable (a legal term meaning ‘invulnerable to all aggressors due to absolute comprehension of the futility of human endeavor in all its forms’).

The dad was too irritated to see how his outburst made the child a thousand times less likely to stop complaining, bizarrely laying responsibility for how fun the entire vacation was, possibly the vast Grand Canyon itself, on the kid’s grouchy little blond head.

Please think of me like an endangered species and just observe me quietly from far away…. If you try to talk to me or touch me casually, I may get intimidated and bite you. So please be careful.

Summer is glorious in Chicago, especially diving off the slab in July into twenty feet of chilled fresh water and climbing out onto your towel, or bed sheet, in the shorts you wear everyday and lying for 20 minutes like that before diving back in.